I've been seeing a therapist for a few weeks now. It's a step I've been thinking of taking for years, and I finally decided that it was time. Not because I was in dire straights, but because I could tell that my mental health was on a downward spiral and that I needed to get it under control before it fell too far. I needed someone to talk to who could help me understand what I was thinking and feeling.
And it's been good. We've been talking a lot about the stuck and lost feelings that I've been struggling with, and what's come out is that I've basically "lost Beth" and I'm desperately trying to find her. It's so on point. And one of the things that's been calling me is the outdoors. The old me loved that outdoors, but I've never fully realized myself as that "Outdoorsy Chick" that's in my head. You know, I see myself as a Title Nine model in my head, but really I look more like an ad for Walmart sweats these days, and that's not going to change if I remain in the state I'm in now - physically or mentally.
So I'm thinking about finally taking that first step back to that identity that I'm missing. Even though the days are getting colder and the snow could literally descend on us at any moment, I'm going to take it outside. I'm going to find the activities that get me back out in nature and revive my soul. I want to move my body for the sake of the purpose of hiking or some other natural movement - I've never been a gym girl despite my credentials as a personal trainer. Spoiler Alert - I despise the gym. Seriously will make any attempt not to go there. My weightlifting coach's training space is an exception because it's not a commercial gym where I am thrust into the spotlight and feel like I'm being criticized for my entire being. But, I digress...
My birthday is next week. I've now officially filled my wishlist with most of the contents of the REI catalog ready to outfit myself for this new idea because if you have the gear you'll go, right? My plan is to make Mondays my hiking day, and maybe find some other options in there as well. I think I'll put the plan in the calendar if you're local and want to come along.
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