This statement has been hitting me hard this week. I've had a take a long look at some things on my plate and decide which ones are serving me and which ones are making me feel like crap. The hard realization is that there's very little that is serving me, and I believe this is why I've been feeling so trapped in my life. I feel the call to adventure and the obstacle to overcome is feeling as if I'm allowed to start my adventure because right now I don't. I have self-imposed obligations weighing me down, but working on cutting those strings.
I've often talked about my professional life as being one where my interests are different balloons and I'm trying to hold on to all of the strings - figure out how they stay together and afraid that something might float away. But what's happened is that I have floated away. Now I need to let go of some of those strings and allow myself to come back down - I am ready to get grounded. To know who I am and reconnect with my true me and not the woman whose mask I've been wearing for many years now.
I told my husband yesterday that I realized that I've never had a job that just fills me completely. People who love their work move forward because their work brings them joy and purpose and this has never been me. This realization was finally an ah-hah after many months of therapy. But how sad - I've taken jobs because I think I'm supposed to. Others are wanting me to be in that role and so I go ahead and move in. But these jobs have never fully fulfilled me which is why I continue to seek something else. I am the Mary Poppins of careers - I go where I'm needed, but not necessarily where I want to be.
So, "I am no longer available for things that make me feel like shit". Sorry, that calendar is closed. If you know me and see me moving in a different direction, please be happy for me and read on, because I am ready to stop feeling like shit and start feeling like the Beth who I used to be.